October 9th 2013
It's a beautiful morning. I want to tell you what I'm feeling and thinking
since my husband left. I am finding it very hard and there are times when it's
really really lonely. There are times when I cannot sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and I think
of him. Before my husband passed away, if I woke up in the middle of the night I
would just put my arms around him. Sometimes I would be shocked at how small he
became when I had my arms around him. I would wonder how he was going to do because
he was getting so small. There were times when I didn't wake him up when he was
sick and when I had my arms around him. I didn't tell him that I was worried
but I felt so bad for him.
So today I do not want to sleep alone. When I sleep alone I feel like hugging
and wrapping my arms around my grandchildren because I care so much about them.
I never really knew how hard this was going to be. It's really difficult
when a husband leaves his wife after they have been together for so many years.
I told my children this is all too sudden. Your dad left so soon and we all didn't
expect this at all. I often think about the wonderful things we did together and
how happy he made me. Before he became sick we use to get up in the morning and
have breakfast together. On beautiful mornings we'd talk about what our plans would
be for the day. We had our arguments and disagreements but we always made our plans
together. Sometimes he'd say he wanted to do this and I'd do my own thing.
We were always happy when our
grandchildren wanted to come to the country with us, as well, as Sheshatshiu. They
often made us laugh when we were all together.
This is such a hard time for me. I
really miss my husband. Since he became sober in 1992, he was a different man. He
did things for me and treated me well. He loved all his children, grandchildren
and great-grandchildren. He treated them well. He wasn't the same man when he
gave up drinking. He was a good man, husband and father.
This is my story.
Elizabeth Penashue
Meshkanu Film 
